Friday, March 2, 2012

The Irony of Insight

Knowledge vs. Emotion

 After taking my first teaching job in an infant classroom 13 years ago, one of the first valuable things that I learned was that new parents required lots of nurturing and guidance.  As a teacher, I was always happy to provide that.

Through the years, as new moms and dads brought their little bundles of joy into the classroom setting, I became pretty adept at providing support by comforting, reassuring and empathizing.  When they arrived on the first day of school, I kept a tissue in my hand "just in case," and 9 times out of 10 it came in handy.  As they fought back tears while putting their trust in my hands and handing their child over to me, I would hand them the tissue, reminding them that they could call or visit ANY time, as many times as they wanted.  "It will be ok.  I promise it will."  

During the same time span I took classes at a local college, working towards a degree in Early Childhood Education.  This obviously provided an understanding of the child's own response to a new environment as well as the psychology behind the struggles of working parents.  That, along with the "hands-on" experience truly enhanced my ability to handle these challenges in a caring and professional manner.

For the past 2 years, I worked as a nanny for a wonderful family with two boys, currently age 2 and (almost) 4. Due to my upcoming graduation in May, I am moving forward with my career by resuming a teaching position in a professional setting. Therefore the 2 boys are starting their own new journey at a local center. When their dad dropped them off for their first day of school yesterday, as expected, it was a bit of a challenge for both of them.

This morning, it was MY turn to drop them off.

When the 2 year old began to cry upon walking into the front door of the center, it was not unexpected. I picked him up and decided to take the older one to his classroom first. As we stood in the doorway, I could see his little cheeks becoming flushed and those big old crocodile tears forming in his eyes. The director and teacher were standing there as I gave him a big hug and told him that he could visit his younger brother just down the hall. I kept telling myself, "Just walk away.  The teachers will take care of him. You KNOW this." The exact same thing happened with his younger brother in his classroom.

My brain said, "It will only take about a week for the transition to be completeIt will be ok.  I promise it will."  But my heart refused to comprehend as it continued working against my attempts to pull away.  

I was faced with the exact type of situation for which I provided support for so long, only with a complete role reversal.  It was an unfamiliar, internal Tug-o-War-like struggle between the years of knowledge and experience and the reluctance to take my OWN advice, given to so many in the same position.

It was the first time that I had a clear understanding of what parents go through, from their point of view.  I understood why they say that working parents often struggle with guilt, as I contemplated the fact that my pursuit of a professional career was putting them through this.  At the same time, I knew that this was eventually going to be a reality anyway.   

I'm sure they ended up having a good day and they will continue to adjust to their new environment.  My knowledge tells me that.  But my heart still wants to run back and distribute as many hugs and kisses as humanly possible, and reassure them that "Ms. Christy" is so proud of them and adores them all the way to the moon... and back.

Word of the Day:  Insight

(Definition):   
"The capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing." 

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